: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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