You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
