I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
