after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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