He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
