like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
