its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
