The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
