we have officially lost it.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Welp...herpes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
