hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
