yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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