moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
home. puking in laundry basket.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
