If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
