my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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