he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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