The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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