Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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