Banned from zoo.
Again?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
