Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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