Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
