Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
