I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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