In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
