Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
