she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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