I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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