pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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