i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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