Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
