can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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