he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
