Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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