eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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