He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize