yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
