Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
