The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
