i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
