it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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