Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
