i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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