Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
