did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
