I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize