my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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