so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
