they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
