i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
