dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize