I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
