Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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