Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
