we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
