He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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