and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
