i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
