We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
