my phone needs a breathalizer
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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