Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
