I wish I could punch you in the face.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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