can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my phone needs a breathalizer
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need to wash the frat house off of me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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