It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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