mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
