i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we should paint friendship bongs
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