she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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