Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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