Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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