Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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