yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
